1. They have extremely high expectations
Kikuyu women are very demanding. They don’t want just a guy who will love them madly. They want to get the best man in the world to love them madly. Even the Shisha smoking girl who has taken 1000 P2 pills in her life after unprotected sex will still expect you to open doors for her, help her to put on coats and bring flowers when you go on a date. If you are not a man with the perseverance of the biblical Job, it is not even worth trying. If only the buttocks of Kikuyu women were as big as their egos, we would have a better world. Oops. Sorry…That one just slipped.
2. They place too much emphasis on beauty….and the cost is on you.
Like I said, Kikuyu women are hot. Sikatai. But the dedication that they place on looking beautiful is just scary. For the majority of them life is like a podium, and so they have to look sparkling even on the way to the toilet after a bad meal. They want to go to the salon every week and buy make-up on Kilimall or Jumia. And it’s your duty to handle the expenses as the boyfriend. Any mention of ‘sina pesa leo’ and a Kikuyu woman will assume you are broke or stingy. You will soon discover that there is already another guy in the picture with more financial muscle than you. The shocking aspect of it all is that Kikuyu chicks never tell you when they are dumping you. They just move on and let you find out later.
The worst thing is that if you are going out with a Kikuyu girl you will either have to dress up and put a lot of effort in looking nice, or everyone will be looking at you and wondering, how did a pretty lady like her end up with that slob?.
3. They are too independent.
Females from Central Kenya think of themselves as independent woman who don’t really need any help or protection from men. Kikuyu women do not believe in ideal relationships and think that even if their Prince Charming finds them, they have to be able to live on their own and make their own decisions. Building a career and getting a second degree often sounds more appealing than trying to find someone who will value their personality and freedom.
A Kikuyu woman will be very independent in a relationship, and very stubborn, too. But on the other hand, expect bravery in danger and trouble, and the strength that will help both of you overcome the most difficult times.
4. Weird food.
Finally, it’s time to address the pilau njeri in the room. For many Kikuyu women, once they are in a relationship, cooking is a way to show their love. But the problem is that they don’t know how to do it well, so be prepared for food experiments. Your kitchen will be no different from a high school science laboratory. At first the cuisine might seem absolutely normal and even a little boring, but when you get to eat your Kikuyu girlfriend’s food more often, you will have more and more questions. What is that weird purple salad? Mayai cooked with Royco and sugar? Burnt pancake? Why is she putting cabbage in pies (and everywhere else)? Trust me, the kind of meals you will be served will leave you scratching all the hair from your head. And if you dare criticize her food, she will sulk for a whole week and even quit cooking for you altogether.
5. In bed ….they ask you to postpone your ‘coming’ so they can gain more pleasure.
If you’re about to bust your nut and a girl does tells you “No” or “Wait,” she’s an inconsiderate human being who is now causing you direct harm. Holding back isn’t that easy. A man’s nut is sacred, and for her to impede that should be criminal. But Kikuyu girls don’t care about that. They want you to make them cum first no matter what. When you cum before a Kikuyu girl even if you’ve shagged her for 2 hours straight, she will still frown. And most of them take ages to get an orgasm so by the end of it all if you are successful, you end up feeling like a mjengo guy after work.
6. They have the balls to order their boyfriends around
Traditionally, Kikuyus had a matriarchal society where women were seen as more valuable than men. But that should have been left in the pre-colonial era. However, Kikuyu women nowadays still carry themselves with mafioso bossy attitudes and they don’t mind ordering men around. When they want to suggest something, they use “you should” instead of “can you?”.
There is absolutely no reason for a girl to ever tell a man “you should…” It insinuates that not only are you currently doing something wrong, but that she knows more than you, which is extremely unlikely. She is free to say, “Have you thought of…” or “What do you think about…” not blurt out the word “should,” which is a synonym of “must,” The only things I should or must do are pay my taxes and live. This attribute usually creates plenty of problems in relationships and no wonder there are millions of single Kikuyu mothers.
7. Matusi
Kikuyu women are aggressive and profane. They have the worst matusis especially those living in the ‘ocha’ regions, not the city ones. Excessive and shameless use of profanity is what I would consider one of Kikuyu women’s major social flaws.
Having interacted with most Kenyan tribes, I can say without doubt that Kikuyu women women have the worst language I have ever heard. Schoolyard insults stay tried and true well into female adulthood, and it’s amazing how often they use cursew ords as well.
Profanity amongst women is one of the most unfeminine and ungraceful things they can do, and it has been mentioned before that profanity is quite frequently a precursor to physical violence, or at least threats of physical violence.
Despite all these facts, we still love them. We always will.
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