KENYAN GUYS. 5 signs your kenyan girlfriend loves you

Gentlemen, there are only five true barometers you require to measure whether your Kenyan girlfriend is crazy over you or nah. Love is elusive nowadays. The fact that you are dating a girl doesn’t mean she necessarily loves you. She might have deeper motives than a mole at CTU(for those who have watched the series 24). My simple five point system is straightforward. It is based on a clearheaded understanding of male-female bio-social correlations.

Here are the signs….

1. She forgives you when you cheat.
A good woman knows that a man who other woman are attracted to is a real man. A woman who loves you will forgive you when you cheat, so long as you don’t do it too many times or you be smart enough to not let her keep on catching you. It’s okay if she keeps suspecting but it’s not okay if you keep getting caught.

The unpopular verdict is this: Women want men to cheat on them. Oh sure, they don’t *consciously* want their men to cheat, but unbeknownst to all but the most self aware women, their ginas tingle uncontrollably for men who can — and do — score some punani on the side.
If she forgives you after discovering your texts with Mwende and asks questions like “Aki mbona unanifanya hivi? Kwani nini sikupatii?” then she just cries, instead of actually leaving you, she’s a keeper my fren.

2. She doesn’t ask you for money and helps you manage your money
A good number of Kenyan girls are only concerned with how much you are spending on them. Of course you have to spend on your girl but if she only cares about which treats you give her but doesn’t care whether you are managing your money, correctly, you need to dump her ass. Watu wa takataka wakikuja next time waambie waende na yeye.

A woman who wants to be with you for a long time wants both of you to be comfortable financially not just now but in the future too.  If she manages your money like she studied Mutual Fund Statistics at the McCombs School Of Business, then you sir have found your Penelope.

It’s your duty to be her Odysseus. Don’t worry, Penelope and Odysseus were just two adorable ancient Greek lovers who sacrificed a lot for each other. Moving on…………….
3. She has sex with you after a fight.
Is there anything as sweet as intense coitus after a fight? Make-up sex is wild and extremely gratifying. It should be something normal between loving couples. A true girlfriend looks forward to sex after an argument with delirious anticipation.

But If her coochie turns drier than Ndakaini Dam every time you fight and she refuses to even let you touch her, your relationship is heading for sickly grounds.

Conflict is normal and a woman in love knows how important it is to resolve spats with squirts. If you and her are fighting over something stupid and trivial, (like why you canceled some plans) the only way to reach a truce is skipping the heartfelt apologies and literally “bang it out” in bed instead.

4. She cooks and cleans…….every time…….without complaining.
Never trust a girl who wants you to share the housework with her. I, Etemesi have been pretty uniform in my assertion that relationships are more loving, and more sexually fulfilling, when men and women abide their ancient biological roles.

Happiness comes from respecting the god of biomechanics. Unhappiness from denying him. A loving chick doesn’t want her man puttering around the house dusting, mopping, cooking, or washing clothes.

She understands that her man has a mission in life outside the home. On the bonus side, whenever she’s doing house chores when you are around, she does so while wearing her shortest skirt/dress and as soon as she’s done, she lets you ‘fly’ to ‘Cum-eroon’ via the terminal between her thighs.
5. She never hesitates to suck your dick…….HARD.
You can directly track relationship health by the decline in frequency of blowjobs. Each unit decrease in peak monthly blowjob allotment corresponds to a one month decrease in relationship length.

Never trust a girl who wont get on her knees and suck your cock whenever you demand it. Ideally she will proactively offer. Any lady with deep feelings for you will get on her knees (or fours) to serve your Tyron Lannister down there.
Blowjobs are submissive and a greater signal of soul-surrender. Don’t ever believe a woman who claims she dislikes or is ideologically opposed to putting a man’s cock in her mouth.

If she doesn’t want to suck the cocka, it means her Oxytocin and Vasopressin levels are just too low. Oxytocin and Vasopressin are the hormones that make humans fall in love. And on that blissful note, I think I am done here.